Mission to Montenegro newsletter

In closing, we want to say once again how truly blessed we are to be co-laborers with you all in seeing God establish His church here in Nikšić. We truly could not be doing what we are doing without you.  

We appreciate your earnest prayers, your sacrificial support, your quick notes and cards, and the blessing of working together for God to be exalted here in Montenegro. 

One with you in Christ,

Stan and Vicki Surbatovich

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Vicki's Snapshot: Cultural Differences:  Family (part 1)

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This year’s Snapshots have been tracing cultural differences between our land of origin (So. Cal/USA) and Nikšić/MNE.  Way back in July’s Snapshot, I posited that the beautiful mountainous terrain of Montenegro is one big factor in Montenegrin culture and helps us understand other facets of life here.  Once such facet is what 'Family' means. Family identity is not just nuclear, nor just extended family, but a tribal identity as well.  This meaning and weight of “Family” differs from what “Family” meant to me growing up in Southern California.

Like many families in So. Cal, mine was a transplanted family—our fathers were engineers of all sorts who moved there (the burgeoning capital of the Aeronautical Industry) in the early 1960s.  We moved from the East coast when I was almost 3, and Stan’s father immigrated from Montenegro before Stan was born.  I had no close family nearby and didn’t know many people who did.  

So despite having dozens of cousins (my Irish Catholic heritage!), I’ve never met most of mine because our lives never intersected—the distance was just too great.  Other relatives (like Grandparents and Godparents) were benign beings who sent birthday cards with $5 tucked inside. Thus “Family” to me meant: Mom, Dad, and my brothers (and then of course, husband and children, too!)

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Thus I find it absolutely fascinating that what I would consider e-x-t-e-n-d-e-d family are considered close family here—and Montenegrin culture reflects that in their terms relating to family.

Words exist for father (otac), mother (majka), son (sin), daughter (ćerka) brother (brat), sister (sestra),   Grandmother (baba), Grandfather (djed).  

However, there is not one single word for uncle/aunt but three: uncle&his wife on paternal side, uncle&his wife on maternal side, and then a direct aunt (sister of your mother or father)&her husband. Similar distinctions are made for nieces and nephews as well as in-laws.  All these terms exist because they’ve been important in the local culture:  brothers bind families together in a way that sisters don’t.

Now what’s doubly fascinating to me is that there is no specific word for cousin.  How come?  Because the terms for family are not just blood-relation descriptions but a generational description as well.   

To help you see this, I’ll use Stan and his relative Stanojka as an example.  Stanojka is a relative on his father’s side and we stayed with her and her family the very first week we landed—I detailed that adventure in an early Snapshot.  
               
 

Here is their connection:

Trace from Stan(iša) up the family tree and then down to Stanojka.  What would we call that relationship in the States?  I have no idea as I don’t know any relatives of mine to that degree.  But here, Stan and Stanojka are known to each other as ‘brat’ and ‘sestra’—yes, brother and sister—the same terms as siblings.  Why?  Because (like siblings), Stan and Stanojka are the *same number of generations* down from their common ancestor and also because Family—meaning a big, wide, swath of family relationships—is still meaningful, still important and brother and sister certainly implies family!

So looking at relationships by generations:  

• Relatives two generations above are addressed as Baba and Djeda  (Grandma and Grandpa)
• Relatives one generation above (if not parents):  addressed by the appropriate term for uncles/aunts. 
• Relatives the same generation are called brother/sister.
• Relatives one generation below are your nieces/nephews.
• Relatives two generations below are (as you probably guessed) granddaughters and grandsons

Stan can rattle off his family tree because he knows it (and not from any specific “trace my roots” hobby):  it is part of who he is and how he was raised.  And he knows this despite being born, not merely on the other side of the country, but on an entirely different continent. 

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Because Stan’s father was older when he married, Stan’s Montenegrin cousins (like Stanojka) were all about 20-25 years older than him, so their children were right about our age, and they had kids just like we did.

As close relatives, we got to meet some of Stan's family shortly after we arrived in 1996.  Oh, how our kids laughed and laughed to hear their mom and dad (Gen 3) addressed as Baba and Djed (at age 36!) by Anna’s sons (Gen 5) and to find out that they themselves (Gen 4) were aunts and uncles to these same boys, even Miss M at age 6 months.

So now if you come for a visit (please do!), you will understand why you can meet Jovan Smitović who will tell you in one moment that he has but a single sibling—a sister—and then a few minutes later casually mention going to meet his brother for a party.  (IYKYK)

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...I bow my knees before the Father,  
from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named.
Eph.3:14,15